


SASO 2k15 Fills

by putsch



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alcohol, Blood, Face-Fucking, Food, Hair-pulling, Inappropriate Humor, JJBA AU, M/M, Masturbation, The Drift (Pacific Rim)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-01
Updated: 2015-08-29
Packaged: 2018-04-02 09:21:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 6,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4054774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/putsch/pseuds/putsch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My fills for the first bonus round of the sports anime shipping olympics!</p><p>1. iwaizumi/sawamura<br/>2. ennoshita/futakuchi<br/>3. nishinoya/tanaka<br/>4. kuroo/daichi<br/>5. iwaizumi/sawamura again...<br/>6. more ennofuta<br/>7. matsukawa/hanamaki<br/>8. haikyuu/jjba au</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. iwa/sawa, t

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: "If corruption was candy I'd  
> suck the sugar from your veins  
> and beg for more."

There's something to be said for the illicitness of their little relationship. 

Or at least Iwaizumi thinks so, when there isn't so much as a breath of space between them, pressed together from their kiss all the way to the tangle of their legs. Being addicted to Sawamura wasn't exactly the plan, he never thought he would fall so hard into thick arms and even thicker thighs, dragging his hands through black licorice hair and staring into deep toffee eyes.

(If anything, his track record showed he preferred something sweeter, like mocha and white chocolate and no, no, no thinking about that now.)

Steady hands run across his shoulders, a wet kiss on his temple drag him out of it, and Iwaizumi remembers there's only the here, the now, the mess in the sheets that would be gone tomorrow without a word. It was their secret, kept behind their bed so no one would find out, so no one would take what little they had left. They didn't need teams or friends or anyone trying to butt in, to tell them they shouldn't be doing, they're too old for lectures about eating too much sugar and getting a stomachache. They know. But this was for them to indulge in, late at night when they couldn't take the diet anymore, when they needed something to get by for just one more day. Iwaizumi was more than okay with that, so was Sawamura, he's sure. Sawamura never did anything he didn't want to, it was one of the first things Iwaizumi learned about him, it was one of the things that kept him going now.

(Sawamura doesn't want to think about his own love of spun sugar, the way it catches the light, so he'll take the treat before him instead, just like Iwaizumi. Just like they need to.)

They kiss then, once, twice, again, again, starving for just one more, teeth against raspberry red colors of their lips and tongues swiping into each other's mouths for just another bit of hard candy sweet. Iwaizumi keeps his eyes open, half lidded, watching the smooth roll of muscles under Sawamura's skin, as if the heat and friction between them was enough to set a bubbling fire through him to cook him from pure sugar into luscious caramel so they could stick to one another without having to think. Oddly enough, it reminds Iwaizumi about the one time he actually tried to cook caramel, his mother by his side, reminding him to always watch, to always be careful, because caramel is just so easy to burn.

(It was an easy thing to watch, really, easier than seeing that odd combination of mocha swirls with soft threads of sugar, milk chocolate eyes catching each other, hands of over creamed coffee and setter callouses with a punctuated beauty mark and the way they smile, smile, _smile--_ )

Iwaizumi bites into the caramel and all he tastes is ash.


	2. enno/futa, t

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt:  
> "You can always find me in the drift"

He hears the smack of bo staffs, the shuffle of feet, the grunts and huffs of exertion from the training.

Futakuchi goes for an overhead swing, one Ennoshita sees coming from miles away. 

"You can do better than that." he says, tone impassive and light as ever, knowing the exact way it makes Futakuchi's brow twitch in annoyance.

"Oh, I'll show you better!" and Futakuchi swings downward at Ennoshita's legs, and it's easy to hop out of the way, but the move was a mistake. He registers it in his mind before his feet can stop, and the next thing he knows the other end of Futakuchi's staff is pointed at his neck.

"5-5." Futakuchi's grin is dripping with smug pride.

"You still have to get two more points to win." but Ennoshita is sweating, he knows that Futakuchi is on a roll, knows that he's stronger physically and could take this if he really wants to and Ennoshita really might not be able to stop him. "That's the whole point of playing to deuce."

"I know the rules, Chikara." 

Oh, Ennoshita cannot wait to slap that tone right out of his mouth. "Then bring it on Kenji."

He doesn't know how long they keep going, what the final score was, if they even break it to deuce. All he knows is the glint in Futakuchi's eyes at every movement, the flow between them, the way they danced their way into every corner of the mat. The whole thing is a blur, until the burn of his muscles and the soft feel of his track pants changes into something tighter, the suits, the hard black armor accented with soft shades of green, reverse to the coloration of their precious Jaeger.

Their Jaeger, their armor, their fight, theirs. It was all theirs to take, to win, to reach the top hand in hand like they dared to promise under their sheets. And Ennoshita believed in it, of course he did, even though they were both shaking and unsure.

("I can't believe we're doing this", Ennoshita had said, quiet and unsure, realizing the absurdity of everthing.

"Me either", was the soft reply, Futakuchi's hands shaking as badly as his own. Neither of them were really suited for this kind of leadership, but had the mantel thrust upon them when no one else would take it, "But I'm glad I'm doing this with you.")

They kissed then, soft and terrified, knowing the way their emotions for one another cracked so deeply into everything they wanted to stay solid. Yet he was so warm, curled under the sheets, kissing and kissing until he couldn't breath. Until he broke away.

But he still couldn't breath.

Ennoshita gasped, but it was useless, the water was gushing everywhere, roaring louder than the monster right in front of them, his helmet cracked, the shrill beeping of the Jaeger and all he can think of is Kenji.

_Kenji._

It's still dark when Ennoshita opens his eyes, but there's no water. There's only stiff white walls, heart moniters and other computers by his side that he knows but can't name now. His head is pounding, full of empty static he isn't sure what to make of, he can't fully feel most of his limbs, the robe and blanket over him is scratchy and strange.

The hospital wing, he realizes. I'm in the hospital.

He's slow to sit up (it's only then he registers the cast on his arm, how did he break his arm?) to look around and take his surroundings that are surprisingly empty (and god, his torso is killing him, sore and achy and covered with bandages).

Ennoshita isn't alone for long - a young blond nurse comes in with her rounds, jumping at the sight of him, blabbering about how she's so glad to see him awake, it's been nearly a week, he's broken his arm, most of his ribs, he may even have damage to his hipbone but they need to look at it closer. Ennoshita doesn't register a word of it. Something else is wrong, something with this static in his head isn't natural, something is missing, he doesn't care about these other injuries. Those ones are nothing.

"Where is Kenji?"

The nurse freezes.

"Don't you... remember?"

Ennoshita's sleepy eyes go wide, wide, the static, being alone in the room, the Category IV, the water, no, _no--_

"Where. is he."

That can't be right.

"Y-You, um, Ennoshita-san, you should rest, I mean, just relax, I'll get the doctor and then he can explain--"

_"Where is Kenji!?"_

His voice cracks over the scream, and he doesn't care that the nurse flinches and goes white, it doesn't matter, none of it matters, does anything matter?

(They broke away from the kiss, still so so scared, but at least now there was ground to stand on, something in this twisted world to make him honestly smile. "So we're really doing this together huh?"

Futakuchi smirks, his confidence coming back to him, "Of course. Even if something happens, I bet I'll still hear you in the drift."

"That's true." Ennoshita presses his forehead against Futakuchi's, "You're always so loud when we drift."

Futakuchi laughs at that, and it's the most beautiful sound Ennoshita has ever heard.)

"I... I..." the nurse looks down at her feet, shuffling backwards to the door. "I'm so sorry, Ennoshita-san."

The nurse leaves and Ennoshita is left with nothing but silence.


	3. tanaka/nishinoya, t

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> prompt: "Do you wanna just try making out for a sec? Just to see how it feels?"

  
"Bro. I just realized something."  
  
Tanaka looks up from his biology homework, raising an eyebrow at Nishinoya's sudden outburst. Not that it's totally rare for him to do that or anything, but Noya's tone and face are hella serious looking, so it's got to be important.  
  
"Okay, I dunno about you Ryuu, but I haven't, like, you know, kissed anyone." Nishinoya felt his voice getting quieter as he spoke, like that could hide the embarrassing fact that even though he was a third year in high school the only kisses he's gotten where ones on his cheek from his mama.  
  
"Dude, no, that's not that weird." Tanaka cut in, looking very pointedly at the wall. It's a great wall. Really doing it's job. "I mean, y'know, I haven't either, so..."  
  
"Woah, really?"  
  
"Just get to the point Noya-san!"  
  
"Okay okay!" Nishinoya chuckled, suddenly feeling a little bit better with where he was going with this. "Look, I was thinking, since we hadn't really kissed anyone, why not, y'know, try it? Together!"  
  
Tanaka blinked, once, twice, like maybe he must've misheard or didn't quite get it. "What?" Nishinoya didn't even blink, wasn't even blushing.   
  
"C'mon Ryuu! Don't you wanna try making out for just a second? Just to see what it's like?" Nishinoya's eyes were practically sparkling with excitement, not a drop of embarrassment in his tone.   
  
Hey, he meant it. Even if it was just as bros, Nishinoya definitely, totally, wanted to kiss Tanaka.  
  
Tanaka was now full flushed in the face and definitely embarrassed. "Sh-Shouldn't we start with just a kiss??"   
  
_Now_ Noya started feeling embarrassed, light pink coming across his cheekbones. "Well, yeah, of course! Duh! That's what I meant." Crap. He had been trying so hard to play it cool, like he wasn't trying to get kisses from his very best bro for a totally not bro reason.  
  
So he waits, watches quietly as Tanaka just kind of... stares, like he's mulling it over and not sure entirely what to say. And that just makes Nishinoya fidget, because oh god, what if he misread, what if he totally fucked up?  
  
He could laugh it off, right? Say they don't have to and move on with their study session like this never happened. Yeah.  
  
"We don't have to--"  
  
"Let's do it."  
  
"--do, WAIT, WOAH, Really?" Nishinoya stares at his best bro, wide eyed and open mouthed, sharp eyes taking notes of the way his jaw clenches and the new tones of pink against tan skin.  
  
"Yeah, just, come here, I mean, we're best friends right? What better person to share a kiss with?" Tanaka beckoned him closer, and Noya gladly scooted in until their thighs were touching.  
  
"Exactly! I just wanted to make sure dude." he laughed through the words, hoping it would hide the sound of his heart slamming against his chest. "I don't wanna make you uncomfortable or anything."  
  
"Nah, I mean, I was surprised but it's not..." Tanaka's eyes suddenly look away again, back to that damn wall, and Nishinoya really hopes he's not pushing anything he shouldn't. "...It's not bad."  
  
"Okay." Nishinoya lets out a breath. "So uh, just close your eyes okay Ryuu? I got this."  
  
"Eh, but you said you hadn't kissed anyone?" Tanaka suddenly grinned, "Maybe I should take the lead Noya-san!"  
  
"Aw come on!" Nishinoya whined, like he wasn't beyond pumped at the prospect of Tanaka kissing the breath out of him, "Why don't we both just go for it?"  
  
"Oh! Like lean in at the same time and stuff?"  
  
"Yeah! That's always how it is in those dumb movies Saeko-neesan likes to watch!"  
  
"Alright." Tanaka nodded, licking his lips and oh, wow, he was getting really close this was really real and definitely going to happen. Wow.   
  
Nishinoya took a long breath, leaning in with Tanaka until their noses bumped into each other - an accident, they both mumbled a few things, but the repositioned, until they slid in close without another incident and landed in an easy, soft kiss.  
  
It wasn't mind blowing like it was in the movies, with the music and fireworks, it was mind blowing in the way Nishinoya was right about how Tanaka's thin lips would feel surprisingly soft against his own chapped ones, the way they still hand that lingering taste of porkbun from after practice. It felt like all the comfort from his best friend condensed into one little action, and Nishinoya just closed his eyes and let himself take it all in.  
  
He knew how to write off seeming over eager, if they made it this far, Nishinoya had thought about this much at least. He'd say he'd just wanted to get it right, that he didn't want to pull away before Ryuu was ready. It could buy him a few extra seconds of kissing, at least.  
  
What he doesn't expect is for Tanaka's hands to slip into his hair, to pull him closer, until they both forget about time and words and homework because making out with your best bro turns out to feel way better than anything else.


	4. kurodai, g, meet again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kuroo/daichi for BR4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> see the original prompt [here](http://sportsanime.dreamwidth.org/5902.html?thread=2035982#cmt2035982)
> 
> out of all of these short fills i think i like this one the best, oops

For as long as he lives, Daichi thinks he'll never forget the sound of that last spike, crashing into Shiratorizawa's side of the court. He'll never forget that moment of suspended disbelief of the team, of Shiratorizawa, of the entire gymnasium, that long, palpable moment until the referee blew the whistle and everything when wild.

They won.

They are going to _Nationals._

_They won._

The appropriate screaming, crying, and Daichi being the one to scoop up everyone in his pure excitement next to Tanaka ensues, because even though they all knew they could win actually doing it was different. Even in the back of Daichi's mind there was a piece of him that was ready for Ushiwaka and the rest of them to overpower Karasuno and that would be that.

It's Hinata that reminds him to make the call. Actually, it's Hinata who reminds the whole team to make the call. As soon as they're making their way out of the gym he's whipping out his phone to call Nekoma's setter, to pass along the good news, and everyone else calls Nekoma too because seriously, they are going to Nationals. They can make good on their promise.

The phone rings twice before he picks up. "Jeez, what's with you country boys all calling at the same time? Even coach--"

Daichi's too excited to let him finish or to care about that smug ass tone. "We're going to Nationals, we won!" And he's laughing, he still can't get over it, enjoying even the shocked silence on the other line.

"Well well well." Daichi can practically see the cut of his smile when he closes his eyes, imagining Kuroo looking at everyone else in the gym getting the same news all on top of each other, "Good job keeping up your end of the deal."

"Yeah." Daichi is breathless, he still doesn't believe it, "Your games are next week right?"

"Don't worry so much, if you can make it, we'll have no trouble at all."

 

Just like he expected, the call comes next week, and not like he expected, later at night, after practice was done for the day and he was working on his math homework.

"Hey," he says, wondering what must be going on, because he doesn't remember the Tokyo schedule totally but, "Do you city kids really play until this late at night?"

There's a long, long pause, very unlike Kuroo, and it makes Daichi feels extremely uneasy, but maybe it's just a butt dial or something, maybe it's all fine--

"We lost in the semi-finals." is the only quiet response to his worst fear.

 

"You know, I really thought you meant something else when you promised to meet me at Tokyo Stadium."

Kuroo snorts, and Daichi knows it was low, but here they are anyway, Daichi in his Karasuno black and Kuroo in jeans and a band tee he doesn't recognize.

"Yeah, well," Kuroo sighs, "What can I say? I don't like breaking promises."

Daichi flinches, "You didn't have to come."

"Are you kidding me?" Kuroo laughs, the sound easing some of the tension off of Daichi's shoulders, "All you have to do is beat some team from Kyoto and you get to play Fukurodani. I can't wait to see that."

"What you want to see us lose?"

And Kuroo goes quiet again, serious, in ways Daichi isn't sure he's ready for but he steadies his legs and gets ready for it. He owes Kuroo this, at least.

"No." Kuroo says, leaning in, their hands intertwined with an ease they picked up over hidden moments, "I want you to win, to win it _all._ "

If Daichi's breath didn't leave him at Kuroo's deceleration, the kiss would've done it, with it's raw force and emotion yet still so, so soft against his lips. "Win it," Kuroo says, not even a centimeter from his lips but with the smile so big Daichi sees it anyway. "Win it for the whole damn trash heap."

Daichi gives his hands a squeeze, looks up at Kuroo with his steadiest gaze.

"You bet."


	5. iwadai cagefighters, e

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> iwaidai cage fighters au for the SASO reprompting round!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I CAN'T BELIEVE I WROTE IWADAI TWICE /WHO AM I/  
> WARNING THIS IS A VERY SEXUALLY AND VIOLENTLY EXPLICT CHAPTER

Everything tasted like iron and salt.

It didn't matter if he won or lost, the taste was always there, lingering, sticking to the spaces between his teeth and seasoning anything he ate. Long hours in the gym left the scent of sweat stuck to him, all to boil down into a split second of his blood across twisted steel wire and padded floors. Hard work is all well and good, but it didn't matter in under the brute force of one lucky shot.

That luck wasn't on his side tonight after all, it's how Daichi found himself staring up at the ceiling lights, the crowd roaring in his ears at Iwaizumi's victory, and the dull ache of a split eyebrow and a bleeding nose. He groans, getting up on his own, slipping away into the safety of the locker room to lick his wounds.

 

He's barely peeled the tape off his ever-aching knuckles when Iwaizumi walks and slams the door shut, back straight and ego swollen from victory.

"Get on your knees."

Daichi glares at him, and does as he's told.

 

(They both should know better than to make these kinds of bets when they're punch drunk and actually drunk, just like they know if they say something they could drop this or change the rules. But what's done is done and both of them are better with rolling with the punches as they come instead of worrying about the ones of the past.)

 

With his knees braced on the concrete he's at perfect eye level of Iwaizumi's crotch, giving him the full view as he pulls his cock out of his boxing shorts, stroking himself hard. He reaches up to touch, to sink his fingers in the red indents left behind by the elastic on his hips, but Iwaizumi is faster at twisting his hand away, snarling.

_"No."_

So much for that, Daichi jerks his hand out of Iwaizumi's grip and watches, doing everything he can to ignore his own half hard cock and the low thrum of rage in his skin. Daichi hates when he does this the most, hates the anticipation of what's coming instead of being able to control any piece of the situation, hates knowing that Iwaizumi is probably completely aware and that is exactly the reason he's taking his sweet fucking time.

It feels like eternity before he sighs, grabbing Daichi by the hair and craning his neck back, looking down with that heavy, expectant stare. Trains the look on him until Daichi opens his mouth and Iwaizumi thrusts pasts his lips, the fist in his hair the only thing holding Daichi still.

It always hurts when Iwaizumi pushes his cock deeper and deeper down his throat with every rough stroke, taking full advantage of Daichi's barely there gag reflex, fucking his mouth until he's shuddering and groaning around the thick girth.

"C'mon Sawamura," Iwaizumi exhales, "you can do better."

Daichi rolls his eyes, like he doesn't know what Iwaizumi wants when he chooses to reap his reward this way. Like he doesn't know where to run his tongue or suck in his cheeks to make Iwaizumi's legs shake (just like he knows the very weakest part of Iwaizumi is between all thirty two exposed bones in his body, how easy it would be to move just right and rip that pleased look off his face.)

His thoughts break off as Iwaizumi slams his cock against the back of Daichi's throat, and he can feel that low, animalistic groan more than he can hear it. He's close, repeating the motion over and over as his nails drag against his scalp, and Daichi doesn't think past the burn in his throat as he reaches out, grabbing onto Iwaizumi's thighs.

Iwaizumi furiously pulls back completely from his mouth, growling and grabs Daichi's busted nose between his fingers and _twists._

He almost doesn't hear Iwaizumi over his own shout in pain, "What the hell did I say about touching Sawamura, I swear..."

Daichi grits his teeth and hisses, he's bleeding again, dripping down over the blood that's caked dry from the match. Iwaizumi gives him another sharp pinch before he lets go, using that hand to stroke himself right against Daichi's face instead of fucking it, his hand gripping in his hair to keep him from moving away.

He's quick now, and doesn't take much more until Iwaizumi comes, right there across the blood on Daichi's lips, can practically feel the way they mix together before getting onto his tongue, and knows he'll never be able to wash the taste out of his mouth.

"Damn," Iwaizumi's laugh is breathless, face with with a self satisfied grin, "You look good like that."

(Isn't sure he would want to wash the taste out either.)

 

 

It's another two weeks before they fight again, another two weeks before Daichi can push open the locker room doors with his head held high and grab a bruised and bloodied Iwaizumi by the throat.

"Bend over."


	6. ennofuta, m

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ennofuta; "I'm home alone and tried to call my grandmother but I dialed your phone sex hotline by accident" AU
> 
> (masturbation and allusions to sexy and not so sexy stuff)

In retrospect, Futakuchi should've realized something was wrong when the person picked up after the first ring.

"Hey you, this is the Homo Hottieline, here to help you with your wildest fantasies. If you already know who you're looking for tonight, just dial in their extension, but if this is your first time why don't you tell me what you like and redirecting you to the right one will be my pleasure."

Futakuchi positively choked.

That low, silky, beautiful tone of voice, balancing the razor thin line of sexual interest and professional demeanor, the little sigh right at the start just before the soft R&B music played in the background.

So, in short, definitely not his grandmother.

He took a quick look down at his cell and the number looked right, there shouldn't be any sexy voices trying to give him boners, only a lovely old lady who was waiting for her grandson to wish her a happy birthday.

"...Um, sir?"

Shit. Shit shit shit, he had been silent for too long, he could just hang up, no, he had to think up something good to say, or anything to say, in order to get out of this mess.

"Gran _dm_ A?"

Oh god no, not that, Futakuchi winced because his voice hasn't cracked like that in years.

"Oh my god." said the voice on the other line, sultry tone replaced with mortification. He probably through he just accidentally hit on a twelve year old, and promptly hung up.

Futakuchi dropped the phone in his lap and groaned.

 

(It took a long time before he could look down at the phone, realizing he had accidentally hit 8 instead of 9 on the very last digit.)

 

If there was any good in the world, Futakuchi thinks, he would have gone one with his life after calling his grandmother and having a nice chat. He'd never think about that mistaken phone number or low voice except in the context of a funny story he could tell Aone or any of his other friends.

"Ah fuck," he says to himself in the shower, fucking his fist with the sound of that lovely voice ringing in his ears until come splatters the tile wall. "So much for that."

 

His hair was still wet as he sat at his small kitchen table in his empty studio apartment, staring down his phone. The number was still there, and it's not like there was anything stopping him from simply picking it up and dialing the number one more time. It had been a few days, the guy probably wouldn't recognize him, especially since this time he wouldn't sound like a broken preteen.

Or he might not even be working, Futakuchi realizes, sighing to himself and running his hand through his hair.

"I can just hang up if it's not him." He says out loud, picking up the phone, dialing the numbers. He can totally do this. His hands are definitely not shaking, and it certainly doesn't take him five minutes to press the call button.

"Hey you," the voice starts, and it's the same one, Futakuchi almost sighs with relief. One hurdle down, about a million more to go.

He thinks about interrupting this mysterious sex icon, but he can't bring himself to do it, not when the vibrato is every bit as tantalizing as the last time (my pleasure, he ends with, good lord has Futakuchi thought about that).

Barely repressing a shudder, he starts talking, "Uh, well, I was wondering if uh, you were on the table?"

Futakuchi knows his words come out in a rush, maybe even a little too obviously desperate. But he did say them out loud, and that deserves some credit.

The voice is quiet for longer than he expected, before; "You want me on the table already? Don't you move fast."

Futakuchi reels, oh my god, he's so glad no one can see him blush like this. "That's not what I meant!! I meant, I wanted to know if I could talk to you?"

And the voice laughs, god, Futakuchi is a goner. "Sorry, I'm just the call coordinator. I don't really do the phone sex stuff."

"That's okay." and he means it, funnily enough, "We can just talk."

"Really." the voice deadpans, "You call a sex hotline and all you want to do is talk."

"Yes?" Futakuchi grimaces, realizing how stupid this must all seem, because it is. When did he become like some heroine in a cheap romance novel, throwing himself at the first decent guy he could find?

"...Alright, sure, why not, it's slow today." the voice is less sultry now, more tired sounding, if he had to guess. "Just wanting to talk isn't the weirdest thing that's happened."

The grin on his face stretches from ear to ear. Nailed it! "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah, get this, a couple days ago some kid called asking for his grandmother, of all things."

So much for his grinning. "Really?" he says, trying not to let his voice crack again, and prays to every single god ever that this guy is actually dense and not just acting the part.

"Really."

"Well, I mean, that can't be that weird," Futakuchi is desperate to save his reputation, even if indirectly. "You do work at a sex hotline, there must be weirder stuff going on?"

"That's true." the voice lets out a long sigh, "But you probably don't want to hear it."

"Aw come on," Futakuchi says desperate to tease it out of him, "You can tell me!"

"Uh, well, it didn't happen to me but my co-worker." the voice starts, "This guy asked him to put eggs up his ass."

He nearly dropped his phone. "...Eggs?!"

"Yeah, and he was pretty sure the guy was actually doing it while my coworker narrated." the voice continued, seemingly unperturbed. "Apparently he kept saying "no less than three baby" and making all kinds of weird sounds."

"Eugh, what kind of fucking sicko puts eggs up their ass?!"

"Hey, you asked."

 

Futakuchi groans, trying not to think about it when he hears a beep come through the line.

"Ah, that's another call." says the voice, "Sorry, I need to go--"

"Futakuchi." he blurts out, oh, smooth one there. "Futakuchi Kenji."

There's another lapse of quiet, before the voice speaks again, quieter than before but noticably warmer. "...Ennoshita."

Ennoshita. What a good name for a great voice. "You should call me sometime, while you're not at work."

Ennoshita chuckles, filled with enough warm mirth to make him shudder. "Alright, I think I'll take you up on that, Futakuchi."

He all but melts in his seat. "I'd like that."

"Later, though. But bye for now, seriously, I have a job."

Futakuchi laughs, "Fine fine, go, talk to your weirdos."

And like that he hears one last little snort, and the line goes dead. He pulls the phone away from his phone, looking down at the ended call screen and smiles. He could get used to this.

 

Two weeks later, Futakuchi standing in line at the cafe next to a young man with sleepy eyes and the same hair cut he has, and he thinks he hasn't seen anyone so pretty in years.

"You should buy my coffee." Futakuchi's voice drips with how pissed off he is, "65 yen per minute, what kind of a rip off phone line--"

"I can't believe you didn't know, it's not like we hide it." Ennoshita replies, clearly amused as he takes out his wallet and pays for both their coffees.

Futakuchi huffs over his chocolate cappuccino. "You're just lucky you look as good as your voice sounds."

Ennoshita gives him a lazy smile, with something else there that Futakuchi can't wait to figure out. "Yeah, I am."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im so sorry eggs  
> saso has done you so wrong


	7. matsuhana, t

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> matsukawa/hanamaki, ft. [this quality list of songs.](https://sportsanime.dreamwidth.org/7182.html?thread=2553870#cmt2553870)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i didn't bother editting this at all and i don't think i ever will (sorry)

Hanamaki loves playing DJ.

His classmates from their music and arts university always had their noses up in the air about it, that DJ'ing "is just about slapping random songs together" or "it's a waste of time and money when you could be doing real composition". They could go fuck themselves as far as Hanamaki was concerned - mashing together tunes to make them sound better than the sum of their parts was a thrill all on it's own, something he never quite got from anything else.

Plus, it actually gave a paycheck and free booze at all the university parties he can get his pretty little ass to. That made the gigs more than worth it.

 

Tonight's party was at some sports loving frat house, he didn't really remember the name and it really didn't matter. His own music was blasting through the speakers, the lights down low save for the glows from his mixboard. He'd only been here for an hour and a half and the place was swinging, full of drunk dancers and laughter, and he has a feeling there's even a line outside just to get in. Hanamaki isn't so modest as to pretend that this wasn't due (at least a little bit) to his awesome musical influence.

This also meant that with a full, drunken party that Hanamaki could put on a playlist for a little while and troll through the party himself. No one would notice, and no one can get up here save for him due to a bouncer with a rough face and dyed hair so he didn't have to worry about his gear. So Hanamaki picked a personal favorite playlist of his (something he had honestly made for a laugh one day to save himself from the crushing stress of final exams), and slipped off stage into the throngs of people.

 

First order of business: Get a damn drink. Hanamaki planned on using his free drink privileges to their fullest as he slid up to the bar.

"Coke and... that coconut rum, please."

The bartender nodded at Hanamaki's request, but beside him he definitely heard a snort. Of all things, at a party, he turned around toward the noise to the person just a down the bar.

"Did you just snort at my drink order?" Hanamaki asked, not even pretending to be polite about asking.

The mysterious man, who was wearing a shirt with a low swoop cut tee that should probably be illegal on anyone who has a perfect structure of the neck and collarbones, wait, no, that's not important. What is important is that the man realizes that Hanamaki had heard him, raising his thick eyebrows in surprise. "And if I did?"

Hanamaki pinches his mouth in a firm line, he hadn't thought that far ahead, not with those half lidded, dark eyes and goddammit he isn't even drunk yet, he needs to get his shit together. "Well, it's just rude. You should apologize."

Hot Stranger then smiles, something lazy and almost a little bit sly and Hanamaki kind of wants to scream. "I'm not gonna, cause I'm not sorry. Who orders such a stupidly sweet drink?"

Alright, addendum: Hot Stranger with a Rude Sassy Mouth.

"Someone who has a healthy sweet tooth, obviously." Hanamaki says with all the self important air he can muster, taking his drink from the bartender. He even takes a very long sip while holding eye contact with said stranger, just to get the pleasure of watching him cringe.

"I thought healthy sweet tooths were just cavities."

"You know, you were a lot hotter before you opened your sassy mouth."

The stranger laughed, and slid right over right next to Hanamaki, making him look up, oh god, this guy was taller than him could the world be any more unfair right now?

"Then how about I make it up to you?" Oh yes, the world can be more unfair, because Hanamaki is pretty sure those are bedroom eyes and this stranger is 100% hitting on him.

(Awesome.)

"Sorry, I already get free drinks," he says with his own flirty tone.

"A dance then?"

"A dance, I can do."

Both of them took final, heavy swings of their drinks, and Hanamaki extended his hand, taking the chance to be the gentleman first, grateful when the hottie takes his hand.

"Matsukawa, by the way."

"Hanamaki."

 

It's nice to have a name to the face, he thinks, before the two of them slink into the crowd, pressed close together from shoulder to hip, his own beats thrumming in his ears, and Hanamaki can't think of any place in the world he'd rather be.

"Damn," Matsukawa exhales after a particularly strong grind of hips on hips, leaning in until Hanamaki can feel his lips against the shell of his ear. "Please tell me you're free after this."

 

Well, maybe one place.


	8. the haikyuu jjba au

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Jojo's Bizarre Adventure Part III Stardust Crusaders AU in which Hinata is literally Polnareff fighting an enemy stand every time he goes to the bathroom."
> 
> No real pairings in here but lots of jokes so yey???

When Hinata first summoned his Stand, he thought it would lead him to do some truly incredibly things like flashy fights, saving his little sister's life, being able to fly or at least use his new powers to do some neato sword tricks to impress everyone. And those things should all be true, especially once he teamed up with other Stand users.

("The Sun", Ennoshita said looking at the card Hinata had pulled from the fortune teller's deck, a sharp smirk against sleepy eyes, "A fitting card for a stand like yours.")

What he did not expect is to be stuck in a bathroom in middle of no where Odisha screaming because a pig snout just poked him in the ass.

"Oi, Hinata! Shut up already, what is your problem?!" Kageyama shouted from the table in the restaurant, with Tsukishima and Yamaguchi laughing behind their hands.

"There is a _pig_ in the _toilet_ and it _touched my butt while I was trying to poop!!_ " Hinata wailed, "What is a pig even doing anywhere near a toilet?!"

"Oh!" said the very kind waiter, chuckling as he reached for a long stick behind the counter and handed it to Hinata. "It's our pigsty, you see. The hole of the toilet goes down to the pig pen below, it gives them fertilizer and a cool place to rest. Usually they don't give customers any trouble, but if you feel like you need it please use this."

"What?!? Are you kidding me, there's no way! I'm not using that, no way, I'll just wait until we get to the hotel--" and suddenly Hinata's eyes went wide with realization of something truly terrifying, "H-Hey, Kageyama, the hotel has proper toilets right, right?!?"

Kageyama shrugged. "How should I know, I've never been."

"Oh my god..." Hinata's shoulders drooped.

"At least go back there and wash your hands." Tsukishima huffed. "We don't need any more of you filth rubbing off on us."

"If anyone's filthy here it's you!" Hinata stuck out his tongue, "I'm only going back there so I can spend less time with _you_." Only half a lie - he really did need to wash his hands, Hinata wasn't about to eat with hands that had to deal with a pigsty.

Ennoshita waited until Hinata was out of earshot before he sighed, shaking his head. "He'll be okay in there, right?"

"Of course he will." Kageyama said, giving Ennoshita a quizzical look. "Why wouldn't he be?"

"Didn't he get attacked by The Devil in his bathroom in Singapore?" Tsukishima stated.

"That was just one time."

"What about his incident with Strength?" added Yamaguchi, trying not to wince at the memory. "That's twice in not even two weeks, plus this pig."

"Uh, well..." Kageyama furrowed his brows, trying to think of a good reason not to worry about Hinata just because he was in the toilet. "I'm sure it's nothing to worry about?"

"I hope so." Ennoshita looked more tired than ever after just a week of trying to get to Egypt. "He's a powerful ally, we'll be hard pressed to defeat Sugawara without him by our side."

As if on some sick cue, the cafe range out with the sound of glass shattering and an all too familiar shout, "Not this time you sneaky bastard--!!", followed by the more loud noises from the bathroom.

Kageyama stared across the table, face blank, as all of them gave him an expectant stare. One time is an accident sure, but three is a curse.

All he could do is pinch his nose and stand up to see find out what was going on, and how to keep them from owing this poor restaurant another few thousand yen.

"Yare Yare..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Basically Ennoshita's mom, Akiteru, and Natsu are down b/c they can't handle their stands now that Suga (dio) has risen from the depths with Daichi's (jonathon's) body.   
> Hinata = the Sun  
> Tsukishima = the Moon  
> Kageyama = the Hierophant  
> Yamaguchi = the Hermit  
> Ennoshita = the Star
> 
> ...i have a lot of feels about SDC and Haikyuu okay


End file.
